YOUR COMMENTS

There is a huge problem with bullying in IHGMS. I saw this first hand as a substitute teacher. Teachers are not given any training or tools for dealing ith bullying. Their rote response to a student who brings it to a teacher's attentin is ALWAYS "So stay away from that kid."

My child was the victim of bullying at IHGMS and when I spoke with the school about it, no action was taken until I threatened a law suit. The bully stole from my child, and damaged clothing and belongings beyond repair. One teacher actually stood and watched as the bully slammed my child against the brick wall of the school. It was a BUS DRIVER who stopped the incident that day. The teacher was "off duty" as the school day was over. The bully got one day of in-school suspension. My child got a concussion and had to have a coat and school book replaced at my expense.

Bullies have no respect for others or the laws. They rarely even have respect for themselves. Our society has taken away the tools that we traditionally used to teach or discipline bullies. Now we can only say "don't do that Janey or Johnny" and maybe give them a "time out." Like that is going to make an impression on them (something akin to a 90 set back to prison for a parolee, but I digress). Hmm, when I got in trouble in school, when I went home I got in more trouble (usually a good spanking). Today's parents run to the school and cry that Janey or Johnny is either misunderstood, has a behavior "condition" or that the teachers are somehow at fault.

Once upon a time in this country a person was allowed to use a little self defense. Once upon a time a parent could and would slap or spank a child for swearing at them, or send them to bed without supper, or take some other appropriate action that would make an impression on the child.

I also worked a few years in the NH legal system. Although the law in this state says it is still legal to use corporal punishment, I have seen more than one case where a parent slapped a teen child for being mouthy or stealing from the parent. Those teens called the police and the parents were prosecuted and convicted of assault. So those teens all learned they can mouth off and ignore their parents or authorities in general, even steal, and it is their RIGHT to do so.

True, physical discipline is not always the appropriate response. But taking away Johnny's X-Box for a week won't make an impression. Making Johnny or Janey's butt smart for a few hours probably will. You need to impress the bullies that they are not the strongest and not in charge. They need to be taught that when they hurt someone else, physically or mentally, that they will suffer as a consequence.

One can't make a full argument or point in this limited forum, but I will say this: Our society in general is the problem. We are not letting people defend themselves, nor demanding people take responsibility for their actions. We do have cases of child abuse, but we have over-reacted to the point that we have taken away the ability for parents and other caregivers to discipline children.
- Ned's girl, Raymond

Mike in Hampton, i sincerely doubt that you work in social services, but i am certain that you watch a lot of Fox.

Do not propagate the myth that a bad father is better than none at all. You have no idea what these stats mean, you have no idea what the children in foster homes have been through.

As a society, we need to value the children in our community and help those in need not blame children or label them as deviants or ostracize them before they have a chance. Stop making it ok to critic girls on their body shape and size and stop with the "boys will be boys" attitude.

Be a man Mike, show us how it's done. Volunteer for Big Brothers, or CASA who is in DESPERATE need of male volunteers. Be more than just Dan Quayle going off about family values.
- B, Manchester

I have to agree with Mike from Raymond I am very happy that when my children get to RHS that things will be better, but as for the here an now I have to say that there is a problem on the BUS getting to school. I have one child in IHGMS and two in LRES. They have more problems on the BUS than any where else. Scared to ride the bus to get to the safe enviornment. I would say there are more problems that need to concidered PLEASE!
- Angela, Raymond

In the U.S., child suicides are 63% higher in father absent homes, and 75% where neither parent is present. The person that followed me happened to point out the same data and sources. Like other NH men providing what some attending would perceive or portray as 'anti-mother' facts, the valdiity of the facts was secondary to political agenda of doing what's best for women, children be damned. (It was as if we each had 'broke wind' as we spoke.)

I provided this data to the NH House Committee on Families and Children (or Children and Families) years ago, but I've found that citing facts and sources to committees dominated by feminists (male and females) is largely a waste of time. It had no impact on the legislative decisions whatsoever. The priority in terms of 'families' whatever kind people want, no matter what the outcomes for children; and women first, then children, and men ... forget about it. The State of NH doesn't even track child graduation rates based on family structure because it makes the State look bad and 'hurts the feelings (and more importantly the agendas) of the single parent mothers the State has a huge role in creating.

Consistently turn your back on your two-year old near traffic; that's a crime, especially if your the dad. Provide a 'high risk' family structure which threatens a child's outcomes in hundreds of ways, that's called State law, public policy, ... and most cynical and routinely of all, 'the best interests of the child'. No one gets arrested for those crimes against children, because they're done in all of our names. Just consider all of the NH high school dropouts in dead end jobs whom almost invariably wouldn't have been in those jobs of not for the actions of the State of New Hampshire, its House Committee on Children and Families, its courts, etc. having 'helped them' through parents with a 'no-fault' divorce, etc. and them, a father absent home for their childhood.

Most of the people I view as child predators have no personal sexual interest in children; they exploit children for other reasons and in my view are collectively vastly more dangerous and destructive than pedaphiles.
- Mike Smith, N. Hampton, NH

Roger, Rochester

Thanks for writing.

I very much appreciate what you wrote.


Bullying may contribute to child suicides and teen suicides. Bullying in schools and on the internet may contribute to suicides.
- Ken Stremsky, Manchester, NH

Interesting discussion, Mike Smith. Are you saying that the women should shut up and take the beatings and cheatings of the fathers of their children, and that if they did all would be better? Curious, I would just advocate that men start acting like men again.
- Steve B, Derry

What about bullying at work? I am a woman, and for a 2-year period there were four to seven MEN bullying / harassing me almost daily - MEN in their 30s and 40s! Management made a token effort to stop this, but in the end, told me that if *I* didn't drop the bullying complaints, they would get ME for a hostile work environment! (In other words, MY job was on the line.) They told ME to take a position in another area of the facility since I had good seniority. So I did. However, these bullies still harass me if they see me in the building.

Bullying / harassment does damage over time. When you are the "target", it is hard to sleep, hard to think straight and function normally. It is psychological torture.

I'd like to see some articles about bullying / harassment in the workplace - and how to EFFECTIVELY deal with it.
- CS, Nashua

Too bad the UL didn't have an anti-bullying policu for on-line comments. Some of you people are a fine example to our children, while other are just children that forgot to grow up.
- Tom, Laconia

As of 2008, 79% of youth locked up as inmates in NH's juvenile justice system came from father absent homes. In 2000, it was 80%, including 100% of the girls. (Source: the 3 publications at www.nh.gov/csm/publications.html )

This is consistent with my anectdotal experience where every grade school thug also came from father absent homes. I happened to grow up in MA near the NH state line in a town of less than 2000 people with a tiny police department. Things got so bad that we had to involve the MA State Police to tell some of these young thugs, some the kid's of one of our own school's teachers, to go back into the house and put the kitchen knives back. (He did a driveby expecting to find this behavior as we reported it the day before.) I don't recall any hassles from any kids from other than those from father absent homes when I was a kid back in the late 1960's and early 1970's. (I admit that anecdoctal evidence is far less valid than
relevant statistical data.)
Today, America has 1/4 of the world's prison and jail inmates, and a NH State prison population over 10 times as large as in 1965 or so (after population growth) thanks to 'no-fault' divorce and other government 'intervention' in family life. THe next closest adult inmate population is the Russian Federation at 17% the last I checked. (Sources: www.worldmapper.org, search "prisoners"; and, the NH State prisons populations since 1812 at www.nh.gov/nhdoc/population.html )
- Mike Smith, N. Hampton, NH

Parents are incompetent nowadays and the inept humans who can't raise a decent human being are demanding that the Government come in and do it.

This dependence on the Government is actually encouraged, listen to Mr. Ahearn; "The point of school is to learn what you want to be and who you want to be". This is getting out of hand, what exactly are a parents obligations?
- Bill, Rye

so, it is too bad if one cannot take the bullying and kill him/herself. Since it might just be one why should we waste our time and money.........wow
- jd, raymond

Bullying creates mean-spirited adults who have difficulty empathizing with their fellow man. if you don't think so, just read the, "pro-bullying" comments here.

Various people will say they are better for having been bullied, I doubt it, but good for them. It more likely they are rationalizing the abuse.

But then, instead of feeling relieved and fortunate and wanting abuse stopped, they'd just force that abusive experience again, on kids today! That's selfish and mean and immature. It's so illogical as to be absurd.

Any person can live through some hell or horror and be stronger for it. Only a very selfish small mind then wants that same experience for others.
- Roger, Rochester

maybe hillsborough-deering school needs to take a page out of raymond highs bullying program! since NONE of the middle school teachers could be bothered with assisting a picked on student! it may cut into their break, or social time! HD school system has got to be the WORST in the area on these issues! i hope it only gets better there as many students have said the would like toflip out on everyone in that school, andend the bullying! gee sounds like columbine, huh?
- george, hillsborough

Demosthenes, Londonderry - So much for making believe you're a reasonable person, right?

First you try to glorify being bullied, say it's good for kids. Then when a commentator takes you up on it, and gives you some of your own medicine, you blow your top. I'd say that puts your questionable story into a different light, as in: you made it up.

NAMBLA? Lisping Obamacrat? A teacher? Whoa Nellie, sounds like your history of being bullied has left you with easily frustrated, with short temper, and too quick to throw insulting, irrelevant names.

Btw - YOU picked "Demosthenes," without, apparently, looking the man up. He was a sexual abuser of boys. It's a major feature of his bio, right on the first page. You couldn't have missed it, unless you intended to.
- David Lovell, Manchester

I've got to agree with Desmothene George, he made a decent argument and you just start throwing mud like a bully. Aren't all these bullying programs in class more of the same we see from schools. Like DARE, which I doubt has kept a single persen off drugs but a lot of time is spent on it. School resources are limited, test scores are declining, and this is how they spend my time and money?

I get what D is saying. Life is full of struggle, school is a safe place to learn how to cope.
- Beth, Dover

Makes me wonder how those of us in older generations managed to survive with unchecked bullying. Well, we did. And none of us committed suicide or dropped out of school because of it. We had discipline back then that worked well to control behavior. Today there is no discipline. Neither parents nor teachers can discipline students. As a results, students have learned they can do whatever they want whenever they want. They grow up not knowing the meaning of "no". They grow up not being criticized. They think they are perfect little people. Then they hit the real world and they are completely unprepared for any type of rejection. Just watch the auditions for American Idol and see how some of the most horrible singers react when they're told they can't sing. It's pathetic to watch these sheltered kids cry, curse and carry on because no one has ever told them before that they simply cannot sing. Yes, we had bullying when I was in school. And we took it in stride and survived quite well, thank you. But then again, we weren't raised as part of the wimp generation.
- Brian, Farmington

@George,

And I take it you're a lisping nanny state Obamacrat, likely a teacher, and a member of NAMBLA, since molesting children comes so quickly to mind for you.

You and your bretheren are more about making yourselves feel good than results for students.

If you need makework for educators, start with math and science not social engineering.

Back on the subject of your molestation of children, it may not be sexual in nature but it is a violation just the same. You advocate replacing a defacto, petty form of oppression with a systematic, state-sponsored alternative.

Tell us George, what defines bullying? How is one child fighting with or harassing another child in one context different from another? Is it OK if bully's fight among themselves? How about non-bullies, should they fall under the bullying statutes or be exempt?

It's a needless distraction from teaching that reinforces this modern notion that school is a place to learn to feel good about yourself rather than to just learn.

George, move to Massachusetts you'll be happier there.
- Demosthenes, Londonderry

Demosthenes, Londonderry -

1. I DO NOT grant you either of your childish premises. Who would? They are both wrong. Bullying is not teaching tool, it is the opposite, and yes it can be eliminated effectively.

2. Instead, on your invitation, I'll bully you in print, ok? More character building for you, right?

Small-minded, confused contradiction, expressed selfishly as a personal victory, is just, as kids say, posing. You are a poser, likely miserable, and of course misery loves company. But what company?

The pitiful thing is that you cannot satisfy yourself with the company of adults, you call for children to suffer under the weak argument that it was good for you. Interesting you choose the pen name Demosthenes, as he was a child abuser of the worst sort, sleeping with his male students, probably using a good dose of bullying to get that accomplished.
- George, Manchester

As a diminutive runt, and a recipient of years of chronic bullying, I am here to say that any such movement to end bullying in our time is capricious, arbitrary and wrong. It is against every law of nature and yet another example of the latest fad cause, a feel good initiative like recycling that seems good on the surface but in reality achieves nothing.

Bullying is part of the natural order. It is the embodiement of survival of the fittest; an expression of humanity's vestigial predatory instinct.

I have two criticism of any organized effort to stamp out bullying:

1. Bullying serves a purpose if the school environment is to simulate the challenges individuals will face in real life. Being bullied taught me how to deal with the bullies that fill the world.

2. Even were it for the good that bullying is eliminated, such an effort can only hope to modestly interdict the behavior because it is hardwired into humans through millions of years of evolution.

If you grant me that, you might still argue that maybe it's time this human instinct should end, that perhaps we can't end all bullying but we might be able to stop some of it, to erode it over time. What's the harm in that?

My answer is the underlying agenda. It's an organized effort by government to undermine the ability of humans to reshape their world. Anti-bullying initiatives are about dulling our ability to oppose oppression.

Dealing effectively with bullies in public school gave me the skills to win in life. If I hadn't had that experience, I'd be just another sheep. It taught me how to resist being dominated, how to dominate, and the courage to act.

I didn't skip along to a happy-go-lucky high school with a big ear-to-ear grin, but I never saw school as a place to find happiness. For me it was a life simulator, and bullies made it more so.
- Demosthenes, Londonderry

What a great idea for the students to be promoting. Interesting to me on the same page is where you are teaching students what not to do so there won't be bullying and the ConVal school board censures a members because she used her free speech against a bond. Kudos to the Raymond Students and a thumbs down to the adults of ConVal School Board.
- Harriet, Deerfield

It is a shame they are not doing this in the lower level schools. My children attend the Raymond middle school and bullying IS going on. I do not feel the teachers/admin. are doing enough about it. There needs to be more action, punishment and follow through. It seems like unless the offender does or says something right in front of a teacher or a witness, it didn't happen. What they need to realize is the offenders are well schooled in the art of bullying and are not stupid enough to do it with others present. Some of the best EDUCATION does not come from a book, but experiences. We need to show these bullies what their actions do to others (and what their futures will hold if they continue to be a bully).
- Mike, Raymond, NH