Wow. Two weeks and it’s Christmas. I don’t know what I want yet. Except it’s not an elf on a shelf.

Cute idea, that elf on a shelf. It’s a little elf doll, which comes with a book about how the elf comes to your house, probably via a drone airplane, to spy on you for weeks on end before Christmas.

Parents are instructed to move the elf from place to place in the house, so the kids can get a peek at him and know that he is watching and will be reporting back to Santa, possibly through WikiLeaks or Twitter or something that Facebook has downloaded.

The elf scared one of the grandsons half out of his wits the other morning.

His mother had been telling him about the elf but she couldn’t remember where she had put him. Then, one night, she found elf and put him on a downstairs table after the kids went to bed.

Next morning, up pops little Ike and announces he is going downstairs to make breakfast for mommy and daddy.

Mom, half-asleep, mumbles, “that’s nice” and hits the internal snooze button.

Ike runs downstairs and suddenly lets out a blood-curdling scream. (Does blood really curdle? Ask Mitt Romney after he sees Gingrich’s poll numbers.)

Ike has spotted elf and is none too happy. Tells the parents they should send elf back to Santa because there is another elf at Ike’s school and one is too many.

I’m with Ike. A co-worker here tells me when her son was small, he told her one Christmas Eve that he didn’t want “that man” (aka Santa) to come into their house.

“Just have him leave the presents outside,” the kid instructed.

I’ve written before about my brilliant old man and older brother deciding, on Christmas Eve, to dress father up in a Santa suit, put an extension ladder up to my baby sister’s bedroom window and wave to her in her crib.

She screamed for the rest of the night. My mother screamed at my father for the rest of Christmas.

Santa is a nice idea, but only when served in moderation.

Which is a great way to segue into the Union Leader Santa Fund for the Salvation Army here in Greater Manchester. There is plenty of time — and plenty of need — for donations. Mail them here (P.O. Box 9555) or go onto UnionLeader.com and we will be happy to list your donation and best wishes in our daily tally printed in the city edition. It’s a nice tradition and the Salvation Army makes sure that your gift goes to deserving kids and families.

Write to Joe McQuaid at publisher@unionleader.com.