President Barack Obama and Batman: The Charlie Rose interview

ROSE: “On tonight's program I am pleased to have two very special guests. One is the leader of the free world, President Barack Obama. The other is a mysterious man whose identity we don't know, but who some still say ought to be made the leader of the free world, Batman. Gentlemen, thank you for coming.

“Batman, let's start with you. Gotham City was a mess before you appeared. The Wall Street Journal called it “Detroit without the nice parts.” Crime bosses and terrorists ruled the city. Now they are all in prison or Arkham Asylum...”

BATMAN: “Or dead.”

ROSE: “Right. Or dead. The Joker, The Riddler, Clayface, The Penguin, Catwoman. Two-Face, Mr. Freeze. All off the streets. Families have moved back to the city. An Arby's just opened near my house. We never had an Arby's before. Time magazine made you a runner up Person of the Year behind Carly Rae Jepsen. You must feel an enormous sense of accomplishment.”

OBAMA: “Hmpfh.”

BATMAN: “Someone had to take out the trash.”

ROSE: “But isn't that the government's job? Take out the trash, police the streets, keep people safe. You're a private citizen, and you risked your life for this city. Why?”

BATMAN: “Like I said. Someone had to take out the trash.”

OBAMA: “Charlie, if I could just jump in here. I think we are all pleased with the the change Gotham City has undergone in these last few years. People are free to walk the streets again, and that's a big deal. But I think it's important for everyone to remember that we all played a contributing role here. I mean, with all due respect, Batman did not literally take out the trash. Our dedicated city sanitation workers did that. He didn't bring businesses back to the city. The economic development office recruited them. And those criminals you just listed? He didn't literally put them behind bars. The members of Correctional Workers Local 571 actually did that, after the bad guys were arrested, booked, and processed by members of the Police Patrolman's Association. And all of these people are paid through our tax dollars. So I think we have to recognize that cleaning up Gotham City really was a collective effort.

ROSE: “Batman? A collective effort?”

BATMAN: “Some very good police officers and prosecutors gave their lives to clean up this city. They got tired of seeing the people they were sworn to protect eaten alive by a corrupt system. The city was a haven of crime and corruption for decades, and hundreds of innocent people died. Still had roads and schools then, but I don't see anybody taking credit for that.”

OBAMA: “Let me be clear. My point is that the Man of Steel here...”

BATMAN: “That's Superman.”

OBAMA: “Heh, I... you know, my daughters are gonna kill me for saying that. And that's twice today I did that. Just this morning I asked for Shredded Wheat when I meant Wheaties...”

BATMAN: “Yes, that's exactly the same thing.”

OBAMA: “I tell ya, it's tough getting old. These gray hairs I got from agonizing over the order to kill bin Laden are getting grayer every day; they really are. See.” (Points to gray hairs.) It's a good thing I got this tattoo of a dead bin Laden on my forearm. It reminds me that no matter how bad things get, well, I still got bin Laden. Plus it looks pretty sweet when I flex. Michelle likes to watch it wiggle.

BATMAN: (Coughs.)

OBAMA: “Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that we all rely on society to help us do our jobs. Nothing we do in this country we do entirely as individuals. We all had someone help us along the way. Someone taught you to read. Someone built the roads you use to go to work every day. Someone built the bridges that allow the commerce to flow in and out of this city. You might think you succeeded on your own, but you had a lot of people helping you.”

ROSE: “Batman, the mayor has declared next Friday to be Batman Day. He wants to give you the keys to the city. Should he be giving them to the bridge builder and teacher and construction worker, too?”

BATMAN: “There are half a dozen super criminals in Arkham Asylum who spend every waking moment thinking of new, more spectacular ways to kill me. You want to take credit for putting them there, be my guest.”

ROSE: “But you did have some help, didn't you? You have a Batmobile and some pretty potent weapons. You didn't make those yourself.”

BATMAN: “Who says? I'm pretty good with my hands. Just ask The Joker.”

OBAMA: “Charlie, now, this is really a good example. I hear people say all the time that they built this or they built that. People say, 'I built my business,' as if they did it all by themselves. They didn't. They had help. Look, just the other day I heard Bruce Wayne say he built Wayne Enterprises from a national into a global company. Now, let's get real. Bruce, but you didn't build the bridges your supplies came here on. You didn't build the roads that the trucks traveled on or the schools that taught your employees the skills they needed to do their jobs. Nobody succeeds on their own in this country, Charlie. Not even billionaire playboys.

“And that's why we have to make sure that everyone pays their fair share. Now, my proposal would ask that the richest people in this country, the wealthiest of the wealthy, people like Bruce Wayne, pay a little bit more. I mean, they don't need it. What's Bruce Wayne going to spend his money on? Another personal jet? He doesn't need another private jet. We need to invest that money back into our infrastructure and our teachers sanitation workers and police officers so they can keep this city clean and safe.”

BATMAN: (Pulls something from his belt.) “Here. Hold this.” (Hands it to Obama.)

OBAMA: “OK. What is this? Some sort of crime-figthing thingamajig?”

BATMAN: “You tell me. You helped build it.” (Stands to leave.) “So you ought to know where the secret button to defuse it is. You have 30 seconds. After that, this whole room fills with sleeping gas and it's nap time for the next four to six hours. Good luck.”