Publisher's Notes

January 27. 2013 4:57PM

Joe McQuaid's Publisher's Notebook: A tax on really poor poetry

BY JOSEPH W. McQUAID
Publisher

Democrats have been put in charge of the New Hampshire House, which is a lot like naming Mr. Fox to watch over the chickens. Meanwhile, a member of Gov. Maggie Hassan's new "economic forecast" team thinks it can "cobble together a story" that things will get better and therefore, I'm guessing, Team Maggie will say we can spend now, worry later.

Never let it be said that the crusty old conservative publisher wasn't willing to help out. Surely, the Democrats will run out of tax ideas at some point, so in the spirit of harmony and good citizenship, I have decided to help.

One state representative has already moved to hike the beer tax. I think we should have a near-beer tax. If you are anywhere near a beer, you should be taxed.

Broadbased taxes are near and dear to many Democrats. The broader an item, the more they like to tax it. Since it gets cold in New Hampshire, I think we should have a tax on ice. We should also have one on nice. There are a lot of nice people in New Hampshire. Tax 'em all.

We should have an excise tax and a tax on exercise. Yoga? Yep, and yogurt, too; Stonyfield's farm and the Dublin zoo.

We should tax birds, and herds (of cows, sheep, and goats).

I'd tax your coat, and whatever floats your boat.

Mel Thomson used to say "ax the tax." I say we tax the ax, and then have a tax on tacks.

Democrats want to raise so-called sin taxes, on smokes as well as booze. With apologies to Dr. Seuss, I say we have a syntax tax, and one on anything you lose.

I'd tax your kit, and caboodle, and also pets: large, small, and poodle.

I'd tax all kids, as well as their folks. And if they think that's funny, I'd tax all jokes.

New Hampshire has mountains? I'd tax them all, as well as the leaves, spring, summer, and fall.

I'd tax the tourists, for just entering our state. And I'd tax them when they leave, for staying too late.

You don't like the view tax? Hold on tight, I'd have a surtax on the view at night.

Gas tax a bit too high for your liking? I'd double it, and then keep right on hiking.

Oh, and that's another notion. I'd tax outdoor sports, on lakes, fields or ocean.

There's just one levy I don't wish to see. That would be one that taxes golfers, like me.

Write to Joe McQuaid at publisher@unionleader.com.