Joe McQuaid's Publisher's Notes: Confused as to how deer use antler spray
Instead, it was poor Vijay Singh who fessed up to spraying.
"I am absolutely shocked that deer antler spray may contain a banned substance and am angry that I have put myself in this position," Singh sang.
I, too, am shocked. Seriously.
I'm kidding about any personal use of the stuff. I am shocked that it is being used by anyone other than the deer.
Actually, I'm also confused by this. Why would deer spray their own antlers and how could they hold the can with those tiny hooves anyway? Must remember to ask my outdoor buddy, John Harrigan. He'll know.
And who was the first human who figured out that what may be good for a doe ought to be worth a couple of bucks?
The Professional Golfers Assn. has instituted a program to combat this kind of thing. It refers to what would happen in the event of a "positive doping test."
I'd say Vijah already passed the positive dope exam.
Sticking with today's sports theme, I note that the son of a colleague here at work is getting a look from UNH for football.
He hasn't been offered a scholarship just yet, but our story said he had been offered a spot as a "preferred walk-on."
What a coincidence. When I went to UNH and considered trying out for the golf team, I was told they would prefer it if I would just walk off.
This kind of thing happened to me back in grade school, too. You see, I didn't know about antler spray at the time. At recess, I was one of those last-kids-picked. Very traumatic.
So imagine my surprise to see a headline about a three-judge panel in Washington ordering a halt to "recess picks."
"It's about time," was my initial thought. "Serves those athletic types right that someone finally complained to the authorities."
Alas, the headline referenced a court telling President Obama he couldn't put people in federal jobs when the U.S. Senate wasn't technically in recess.
That made me feel nearly dope-positive enough to want a cup of the new Starbucks coffee flavor. No lie. It's called "Blonde."
Let the email roll!
Write to Joe McQuaid at email@example.com or via Twitter at?@deucecrew.
READER COMMENTS: 0
- 'Cadillac' health tax costs draw big worry - 13
- Wastewater lagoon blamed for Exit 4 odor - 0
- Author and poet Maya Angelou dies at 86 - 0
- After controversy, retired NH superior court judge fights for kudos - 4
- Road to be closed for fallen Brentwood officer's procession - 0
- Brentwood Officer Arkell's death adds fresh pain to somber law enforcement memorial ceremony - 1
- Conference participants take on climate change planning - 1
- NH agencies see growing needs for seniors - 1
- Nashua to combat substance abuse with knowledge at forum - 0
READER COMMENTS: 0
- 132-mph street racers blow by trooper in Nashua, one of two arrested; motorcyclist arrested on I-93 doing 107 mph - 0
- Mazzaglia to be sentenced Aug. 14 for murder of UNH student - 0
- Lost Massachusetts hikers found safe in NH - 0
- GOP criticizes Shaheen flip flop on gas tax - 6
- No one has a clear claim to NHMS supremacy - 0
- Sentence fragment: Coco's cuckoo release - 0
- Charles Arlinghaus: Does Concord have a big spending problem? - 1
- Ban fireworks? Get serious - 10
- Another View - Kevin Smith: Londonderry is showing how to make NH business-friendly - 0
Police say Manchester woman arrested for punching ex-boyfriend during custody exchange in Walmart parking lot
Bikers say under-30 generation isn't interested, and can't afford many of the top motorcycles
Praising freedom: While curtailing it
Ban fireworks? Get serious
GOP criticizes Shaheen flip flop on gas tax