Joe McQuaid's Publisher's Notes: Confused as to how deer use antler spray
Instead, it was poor Vijay Singh who fessed up to spraying.
"I am absolutely shocked that deer antler spray may contain a banned substance and am angry that I have put myself in this position," Singh sang.
I, too, am shocked. Seriously.
I'm kidding about any personal use of the stuff. I am shocked that it is being used by anyone other than the deer.
Actually, I'm also confused by this. Why would deer spray their own antlers and how could they hold the can with those tiny hooves anyway? Must remember to ask my outdoor buddy, John Harrigan. He'll know.
And who was the first human who figured out that what may be good for a doe ought to be worth a couple of bucks?
The Professional Golfers Assn. has instituted a program to combat this kind of thing. It refers to what would happen in the event of a "positive doping test."
I'd say Vijah already passed the positive dope exam.
Sticking with today's sports theme, I note that the son of a colleague here at work is getting a look from UNH for football.
He hasn't been offered a scholarship just yet, but our story said he had been offered a spot as a "preferred walk-on."
What a coincidence. When I went to UNH and considered trying out for the golf team, I was told they would prefer it if I would just walk off.
This kind of thing happened to me back in grade school, too. You see, I didn't know about antler spray at the time. At recess, I was one of those last-kids-picked. Very traumatic.
So imagine my surprise to see a headline about a three-judge panel in Washington ordering a halt to "recess picks."
"It's about time," was my initial thought. "Serves those athletic types right that someone finally complained to the authorities."
Alas, the headline referenced a court telling President Obama he couldn't put people in federal jobs when the U.S. Senate wasn't technically in recess.
That made me feel nearly dope-positive enough to want a cup of the new Starbucks coffee flavor. No lie. It's called "Blonde."
Let the email roll!
Write to Joe McQuaid at firstname.lastname@example.org or via Twitter at?@deucecrew.
READER COMMENTS: 5
- Jonah Goldberg: There was a time when we stood up to threats against free speech - 0
- Why I voted against the 'CRomnibus' spending bill - 18
- Another View -- Devon Chaffee: Why interrogators believe America should never torture - 2
- David Harsanyi: GOP establishment, stop whining - 0
- John Stossel: Individual giving beats government giving - 3
- BANANAS and NH's energy needs - 5
- Gruber should have been Time's 'Person of the Year' - 5
- In NH, overhunting of RINOs is causing problems - 24
- Another View -- Shawn Jasper: It is time to get to work for the people of NH - 16
READER COMMENTS: 0
- These all-natural candles can double as massage oil - 0
- Dave D'Onfrio's Patriots Notebook: Finding a way to win - 0
- Sam Asano's Let's Invent: NoNose gets readers talking like nobody's business - 0
- Know the Law: Your trust can be named beneficiary of an IRA - 0
- Another View -- Bill O'Brien: Ask your state rep. to vote for transparency in the House - 13
- Old friends and a 'homeless angel' make for good stories anytime - 0
- Clooney gets it: Sony attack was not a 'crime' - 6
- New coats warm city kids, firefighters' hearts - 0
- NHIAA Roundup: Martin, Pinkerton top Salem in tournament - 0
The Sony hack: Kim's judgment of Obama
Human intervention hobbling ice fishermen
Tensions boil over after NYC police killings