Publisher's Notes

June 10. 2013 2:43AM

Publisher's Notebook: On graduations and the crime of the week

Grandson number one, Ike, was graduated with his class last week. His mother, the former Little Missy, reassured me that I only have to attend "five more of these."

I tried to do the math on that one, thinking that Ike, Mike, and Spike must only be getting a couple of high school diplomas and maybe one college degree among them.

"No," their mother corrected me. "You have five more here at pre-school."

Hey, if the younger ones can recite the preamble to the U.S. Constitution as well as their brother and his classmates did I will be happy to attend.

I wish kids in high school could recite "We, the People." Miss Kristen and company do an amazing job inculcating a sense of patriotism in their little charges. The audience of relatives and friends, with a notable absence, was duly impressed.

I asked the great uncle of one little cutie where her grandfather was.

"Whilst you and I were here doing our familial duties," he explained (the guy really does sound like a Damon Runyan character), "the grandpop was off playing in his golf league!"

Wow. Blowing off a grandchild's big moment, one which she will no doubt remember for at least an hour or two, on account of a golf game. I admire the guy's grit.

I admired little Ike's work even more, telling him that some of the same people who wrote the Constitution had also helped Thomas Jefferson with the Declaration of Independence.

"I know," he said.

Wow, I thought. The kid is a genius. Already knows about the Declaration.

"Yes, Pop-pop," beamed Ike. "It was on a 'Tom and Jerry' show."

I must have missed that episode.

But I did catch the crime story of the week in the Union Leader. The weapon was (were?) Doritos.

Police in Hooksett said the woman "had been drinking alcohol (say it ain't so) when she got into an argument with a juvenile male on Monday."

She was apparently trying to evict said minor from her abode. I bet my friend, John Harrigan, would equate this to the stage when a mama moose or bear tosses the kids out after the first year. Only the animals don't eat chips.

She "then threw a bag of Doritos down the victim's shirt and hit the victim in the head," police said.

I should have Ike go see this woman. He could probably discuss pleading the 5th Amendment with her or at least read her her Miranda rights.

Write to Joe McQuaid at publisher@unionleader.com. Follow him on Twitter at @deucecrew.