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Best leave 'the Moon,' Buddy's bagel alone


October 06. 2013 8:56PM

All I know is the federal government better not try to shut down the Derryfield Golf Course. If you thought the veterans were upset with blocking the World War II memorial, wait until you see what would happen if Thomas Q. Public and fellow retirees were told "no golf today."

Some of these guys even react rather strongly when a non-retiree shows up on a weekday afternoon on the course they lovingly call "the Moon."

Instead of, "Hey, Joe, nice to see you!" one recent day, I was met with "what are YOU doing out here?''

One guy, sounding like either John Boehner or Ben Stein, explained that, "you need to be working and contributing to the economy's well-being so that we retired guys can continue to enjoy life."

Now I feel almost as responsible as another of the golf group, non-retired division, should feel about what has become known as "Buddy and the Toasted Bagel" incident.

Buddy (not his real name) spends a lot of time on the road in his job and is thus quite the food critic. He has a penchant for Dunkin Donuts and their bagels. He also thinks he is Emeril Legasse or Bobby Flay (though he looks a bit like Paula Deen). He insists that his bagels be toasted, just so.

On a recent trip to Vermont, Buddy's bagel wasn't up to his standards. He complained. The lady at the counter listened. A co-worker said the lady should ignore Buddy.

Words ensued. The manager appeared. Buddy got his bagel toasted. The kid co-worker lost it. The manager told the kid to get lost.

The suddenly unemployed kid, in the pre-dawn dark, tried to find Buddy in the parking lot, intent, no doubt, on turning Buddy into a bagel.

Buddy got into his car and drove away, wishing the kid a good day on his way.

Next thing Buddy knows, lights of a pickup truck loom in his rear-view. He believes he hears banjo music from the "Deliverance" movie. It's the kid, but the kid doesn't notice Buddy. The kid roars by Buddy, and two other cars, one of which is driven by a Vermont police officer. Blue lights flash, and the kid is pulled over.

Nice job, Buddy, his friends at Derryfield tell him. You not only get a kid fired over your bagel, you get him arrested.

So, two morals for today. (1) Don't mess with Buddy's bagel. (2) Don't expect sympathy from the Moon.

Write to Joe McQuaid at or via Twitter at @deucecrew.

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