Roger Simon: Who will run in 2016? Ask Dr. Politics!
Dear Dr. Politics: Will Hillary Clinton run for President in 2016?
Answer: Yes. And not because of her enormous lead for the Democratic nomination in the early polls. And not because of her huge fundraising potential, her political skills or her grasp of the issues.
When she ran last time, The Wall Street Journal said she "has to prove she has normal human warmth." Slate said, "Clinton can be easily portrayed as cold, calculating, and ruthless, and that's not a problem that can be easily fixed."
Some in the media were so taken aback by Clinton's being humorous that they didn't get it. USA Today took her seriously in its first story and then had to run this advisory: "An earlier version of this report should have made clear that the former secretary of State was joking when referencing Fox."
When she ran for President before, she failed to show the lighter side of her nature. But this time, she is going for the big yuks early.
Dear Dr. Politics: Rumors keep circulating that Mitt Romney is considering another run for the presidency. A new documentary has humanized him. A new poll shows he is leading the Republican pack in New Hampshire. And one website says that a lot of Republican donors are saying, "I think we need Mitt back." Is this for real?
Answer: No. Grimm is not a real tough guy. You know the first thing a real tough guy does when he's going to throw you off a balcony? He throws you off a balcony.
I tell all beginning reporters the same thing: "Stand up to tough guys. Most of them are big sissies. And if they break both your legs, then you can come running to me."
Answer: When Chris Christie goes through a buffet, they have to put down speed bumps.
If Chris Christie ran for the nomination, his bellybutton would get there 30 minutes before him.
And don't worry about his being convicted of anything. He didn't say, "Close the bridge!" He said, "Close the fridge!"
Roger Simon is Politico's chief political columnist.