Joe McQuaid's Publisher's Notebook: A long walk to defeatBy JOE McQUAID
June 18. 2017 10:13PM
Heard at the national newspaper columnist association meeting, which was held in Manchester recently: In regards to Obamacare, Republicans want to “repeal and repent.”
I would like to repeal the annual walking competition we just finished here on William Loeb Drive (Note to City: that street sign is missing.)
My team has lodged an official protest against one of the other teams. We are pretty sure that one of its members is a professional walker and should not have been admitted to our amateur contest.
I didn’t mind it so much last year. The guy was on my team, and we won. But that was then. This is now.
Remember when Red Sox fans, and others, used to cry “Break up the Yankees” because New York had bought the best ball players? (It may be happening again, by the way. The Yanks have some guy named Judge who is 10 feet tall, weighs 600 pounds, and hits two home runs before fans get to their seats.)
My walking mates have thought the same about this pro walker. Our cry was “Break up Grant,” but we were not sure how we would do this.
One teammate wanted us to consider a “Tonya Harding” solution. I looked it up. It refers to when Olympic skater Nancy Kerrigan was hit in the knee by friends of her rival, Ms. Harding.
We didn’t go that route; but serious consideration was given to rigging our Fitbit step counters to a hamster to pick up our pace. It wouldn’t have made any difference. “Grant” (not his real name, perhaps) was logging so many steps in a day, we would have needed a field of hamsters to compete.
As it was, his team didn’t win either. It was worse. The team of some kid named Katie McQuaid Cote won, probably because I was busy watching her Ike, Mike, and Spike while she was gaining steps.
Meanwhile, I still have my eye on this “Grant” fellow (actually, that may be his real name.) If I compete next year, the only steps I’m likely to take are 20 paces, turn, and fire.
Write to Joe McQuaid at Publisher@unionleader.com or on Twitter @deucecrew.