Q. My husband’s sister nitpicks me a lot, and always has. She can be warm and loving one minute, but then harsh and cold the next. When we first met, my husband was getting over a broken engagement, and I think she never got over the fact that she didn’t get my husband’s ex as a sister-in-law (they were close and have much more in common).
My husband and I are expecting our first child, and she is expecting to be the child’s godmother. Honestly, I’m not even thrilled about her being the aunt. How can I help convince my husband to resist this?
A. I understand this, for sure. But if you go into the conversation with the agenda of absolutely barring his sister from having this role, it’s going to be difficult to get him to hear your point of view.
This has to be a more nuanced discussion, with alternative options presented (both in terms of who else would be godparent and also how to frame the decision to her when she learns of it), a calm expression of your specific concerns and feelings about why she wouldn’t be the best choice, and — perhaps most important — a willingness to listen to his point of view.
Being a godparent can look very different across different families, and it’s possible that the two of you aren’t imagining it in the same way. A more thorough reality check could make it more palatable for you — or, on the other hand, help him to see your side. The sooner you have this talk, the better.