Peeps

Peeps now have novelty flavors and colors that are very hit or miss.

People eat Peeps, I guess? Along with gingerbread, they’ve achieved a legendary status: More craft supply than food product, “eating them” is pretty low on the list of things people do with Peeps.

Higher on that list are activities such as “making elaborate political dioramas” and “putting them in the microwave” and “putting them in the microwave holding toothpicks so they look like they’re jousting” and “scraping the corporeal remains of Peeps from the microwave walls.”

But Peeps are (surprise!) an actual food, and the influx of new flavors is a sign that the brand has adopted the Oreo method of sales generation: Take a classic brand and turn it into dozens of novelty flavors to hold customers’ interest, even if some of those flavors are kind of gross.

Peeps-flavored products, including cereal, coffee creamer and jelly beans, have also been introduced.

Here are this year’s new Peeps flavors:

Cotton candy: The prettiest Peeps! They’re light pink with blue flecks. Cotton candy is an appropriate flavor for Peeps, because cotton candy is basically just the flavor of caramelized sugar. Peeps are also, in their essence, just sugar-flavored. So, here we have sugar-flavored sugar that is flavored like sugar. Cool. Available nationally.

Pancakes & Syrup: They taste like maple syrup, which is good. But how depressing is it to eat a taupe-colored Peep? Available nationally.

Root Beer Float: A very unfortunate brown color. If you turn them sideways, they look exactly like the poop emoji. Available only at Kroger.

Peeps Delights Orange Sherbet Flavored Marshmallow Dipped in Decadent Crème-Flavored Fudge: This is an attempt at a Creamsicle flavor. Do you like artificial orange flavor? No? Pass. Available nationally.

Peeps Delights Vanilla Crème Flavored Marshmallow: Dipped in Decadent Crème-Flavored Fudge: Ooh look at you, with your fancy fudge-dipped marshmallow chickens. This “Delights” line of Peeps is definitely for eating, not crafting, even though they are so premium that they are perfectly molded, unlike their less-fancy brethren that sometimes come out of the machine as monsters with three eyes. This flavor has a white chocolate base that adds a little bit of texture, but not much flavor. Available only at Target.

Peeps Filled Delights Chocolate Caramel Swirl: I take it all back: Peeps are for eating — specifically, these. They have a chocolate base and gooey caramel center (don’t think about the gooey center for too long, or you will realize the caramel is Peep guts spilling out of their tiny bodies). They’re basically rocky road ice cream in Peep form, without the nuts. These are Peeps for grown-ups and too dignified for your Peep diorama. Available only at Target.