Joe McQuaid's Publisher's Notebook: Very poor, crummy bun puns stun chums

For Halloween this year, I was thinking of a costume inspired by a pair of Laconia loafers.

We carried the news item about them last week. The police had apparently followed the trail of bread crumbs to find the man and woman who had allegedly tried to use faux dough (counterfeit $100 bills, no less) to buy fried dough at the Pumpkin Festival.

In their news release, the police asked the question, “How low can you go?”

I thought that was pretty good, but it didn’t get a rise out of our newsroom, which went with the more prosaic: Police say pair tried to use fake dough for fried dough.

I suppose by going for the fried stuff rather than bigger bread the pair was seeking the path of yeast resistance. But their plan fell flat when the bogus bucks were spotted.

Hint to scammers: Putting a picture of the Pillsbury Doughboy where Ben Franklin belongs is just dumb.

The vendor of the fried dough quickly caught on, and the pair took a powder. I am told they were headed for Sandwich or Rye but that, like the rest of their half-baked scheme, their escape plan quickly crumbled.

I understand the two intend to seek a suspended sentence, arguing that an eating disorder made them do it. But since this may have been the second time they tried this, I suspect the judge will see them for what they are: glutens for punishment.

It is too bad Robert Frost is no longer lecturing at the Bread Loaf conference in Middlebury, Vermont. He could have helped me with this one:

Two loaves emerged in a pan, and I,

Took the bun less kneaded by.

And that has made all the difference.

On second thought, perhaps I will go incognito.

Write to Joe McQuaid at or on Twitter at @deucecrew.